DITCH THE MUM GUILT… WE ARE SUPERWOMEN!

Mum Guilt… two words that have been floating around social media quite a bit the last few days, two words that resonate with me, two words that have really got me thinking.

Mum guilt is something that I feel on a daily basis, and I am pretty sure I am not the only one. 
I am sure every mum experiences mum guilt every day too in some way or another. Whether its a new mum’s guilt of choosing formula over breast milk, or a working mums guilt of sending her child to daycare while she works or whether its that the TV babysitter has been looking after their child more than they would like.

It’s something that we feel far too often when we shouldn’t. Why do we feel guilty about trying to be superwomen? Cause thats exactly what us mums are…we are superwomen!

We usually aren’t just a mum, some of us juggle being a mum along with a career, or their own business. We are all cleaners, cooks, bakers, taxi drivers among a million different other titles. If we were just to be a mum, not having to worry about a single other thing in life that would be amazing! But it is just not a reality, for ANY of us!

Us mums are all doing the best that we can to be the best mums possible and give our family the best life possible. We gotta do what we gotta do to put food on the table, a roof over our head, keep the house in a liveable state and to just stay SANE!!  We should most definitely not be feeling guilty about that!

As long as our wee babes are healthy, happy, growing and developing and most importantly LOVED it really doesn’t matter how many hours they have racked up on screen time this week, or that they ate a box of cookies for breakfast as it wasn’t worth the battle to take the box away from them and you wanted to enjoy that 10 minutes of peace to go and brush your teeth uninterrupted.  It’s all a balancing act and its not going to change the type of person that they are going to grow up to be.

They will grow up knowing how to work hard for something, the value of a dollar, that there are chores that need to be done and not everyone can have a cleaner come and do them all (wouldn’t that be amazing though…one day!) and that a family is a team and everyone does their part, us mums are leading by example.

I am a stay at home mum with a part time job which I am lucky enough to do from home. Unfortunately the juggle isn’t easy. Squeezing in 20 hours a week of work amongst caring for a demanding 2 year old full time, running a house, giving the 7 year old the attention he deserves and needs along with finding time to spend with the hubby isn’t an easy task and is one hell of a balancing act. I get told all the time how lucky I am to be able to work from home. Yes I am very lucky, but it comes at a cost. I can’t just sit down and smash out what I need to do when I need to do it, and if there is something urgent to do I have to entertain the 2 year old whilst trying to get the work done…this usually results in screen time of some sort and a lot of multi tasking. What I don’t manage to get done during the day I end up doing as soon as the kids go to bed right up until 11, meaning poor hubby just gets to sit next to me and my laptop all night with minimal conversation. (enter wife guilt…not that he probably cares he’s too busy ‘clearing nodes’ in his virtual world on his phone)

Its not at all glamorous or instagram worthy. Its the real deal behind the scenes reality of our life featuring crumb ridden unvacuumed floors, a pile of dishes, washing to be done, toys scattered throughout the house which get tidied 10 plus times a day and someone else’s lunch stains on my clothes. This is just my reality and my mum life, and yours will probably be different but I guarantee that we all have one thing in common…Mum guilt!

So as it was on my mind over the last two days, I made mental notes of all the times I felt the dreaded mum guilt creep on in over a parenting decision I made over the last few days.

1.  The adventure to school
I purposely didn’t put shoes on Arden so that he couldn’t get out of the pram and run free like a 2 year old wants to. This wasn’t purely a selfish decision, safety came into it too but mainly it was for selfish reasons. Firstly the walk to school involves roads, and a free roaming 2 year old and roads just don’t go hand in hand, not safe for him and too stressful for me to handle patiently in the morning. Secondly, I enjoy a decent 45 minute fast paced walk once we get Kylan to where he needs to be and that is just not possible when the little ones not in the buggy, when he’s walking and taking in everything it feels like one step forward two steps back…that and I don’t want to run the risk of him falling into the pond again! 

The mum guilt creeps in knowing that I should let him explore, give him a run let him take in his surroundings, collect feathers, feed the ducks and smell the flowers…but I am watching my clock knowing how much I need to squeeze into my day and that I only have 45 minutes to get my exercise in and I need that walk for my sanity to survive the remainder of the day. 

2. Highly nutritional breakfast on the run
So our mornings are far from glamorous! Its a mad house of everyone rushing around trying to get ready in time as we have usually all slept in…or just laid in bed all warm and comfy weighing up the few extra minutes in bed versus a cruiser morning, the extra bed time always wins! So whilst Kylan can chug back his porridge or smoothie quick smart, Arden isn’t that interested in breakfast until we are walking out the door. So his breakfast usually consist of a likely stale cruskit which I grab as we are running out the door. His highly nutritious start to the day. 

3. Bopples
So I know that Arden is old enough not to have bottles anymore and he probably should be only having 1 a day if that…BUT when that ‘bopple please mummy’ whinge starts and he doesn’t want any food, yet I know he’s hungry, which ends up being hangry because now he’s hungry and wants a ‘bopple’ and he’s grumpy I choose not to fight this battle and give in to his beloved ‘topple’. Its his one true love, I don’t have a dummy I can shove in his mouth to keep him quiet (I wish he took the bloody dummy!!) so I let him have his beloved bopple!

4. The TV Babysitter
Screen time used to be non existent in our house from when Kylan was 3 years old. Prior to that he watched far too much to the point where he was starting to pronounce certain words like an american! when he said something about the ‘grass’ (in american accent) I told him we no longer had cartoons and that was the end of it! But when child number 2 came along that TV babysitter was required again! whether its just to make dinner without a toddler at your feet or to entertain an overtired grump who refuses to nap anymore.

The TV babysitter is probably my biggest mum guilt of all. I use it at all hours of the day. Sometimes its just to give me a 10 minute break where I can sit down and eat my lunch without having to share it with someone who ends up leaving their snot behind in it or sometimes I’m tired, daddys not home yet, he’s tired and its just an easier option than to deal with life. 

5. Older brother guilt
So sometimes Arden goes into Kylans room and goes ‘seek and destroy’ mode on all his lego. Today I saw him go in there, I knew what he was doing and I chose to ignore it. He was happily occupied for a good 15 minutes where he played quietly and independently. I took advantage of that and managed to get through all the washing that needed to be folded and hung out for the price of a deconstructed lego car. Totally worth it in my mind but the mum guilt creeps in knowing Kylan will come home to find yet another creation that needs to go in the “to be fixed again” pile.

6. Deprived second child syndrome
By Arden’s age I had been taking Kylan to weekly playgroups, he had done mini soccer classes, mini gymnastics, swimming and I probably took him down to the park on a daily basis! The poor sub sequential child is lucky if he gets to go out somewhere other than the school to drop off/pick up his brother, Kmart or the supermarket! 

7. The lazy mum dinners
Whilst I feel most kids get yummy dinners like mac and cheese, lasagna and all sorts of amazingness My kids dinners get whatever I see in the fridge and can slap on a plate. Usually vegie sticks and a pot of hummus or some overcooked microwaved scrambled eggs. It doesn’t help that we don’t eat much in the way of breads or pastas (seriously a kids favourite things) so I always feel guilty like a deprive my kids when they go to their grandparents and get so excited over having a piece of bread!

8. Keeping everyone happy
The thing I do the most which gives me the most guilt is making Kylan sacrifice what he is doing to keep Arden happy. When I am rushing around getting ready to run out the door and all I need is for them to play happily together or by themselves for 5 minutes while I do what I need to do. Usually Arden wants to play with what Kylan is playing with and to make my life easier I often find myself saying “Kylan just give it to your brother!” The poor big kid usually does what I ask while he hangs his head. He is such a good big brother and such a decent kid but he does miss out a bit these days now that we have Mr demanding. 

Yet in saying that Mr demanding has been dragged around everywhere from day one. Being woken up from naps to do school runs, to rugby trainings at bedtime and rugby games in the pouring rain when he is sick and just wants to be at home so I guess that all balances out in the end….But it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty about all of it! 

This morning’s rugby game was a prime example. I was torn between caring for Arden who was crying and snotting everywhere (I don’t care that snotting is probably not really a word as it explains perfectly what a toddler with a runny nose is like) and trying to watch Kylan’s game and support him. Hubby missed Kylan’s most amazing try ever as he was trying to set Arden up in an umbrella fort with you tube to keep him happy. (yes more screen time!)

9. The yelling mum
So I can either be the most patient mum and work through everything peacefully or I can be a short fused, frustrated, tired grump who snaps easily. Its a lucky draw which mum you get each day and usually depends on whether I have had beautiful well behaved kids the previous day or total gremlins. It also depends on whether I have been suffering major mum guilt and feel that I need to make up for it. Its a never ending cycle I tell ya!

So sometimes loud shouty mum comes out and that always leaves me feeling guilty that I haven’t kept myself calm and composed. I guess it shows the boys that I am only human and we all make mistakes and we just need to apologise, take a minute and move on in a better frame. 

The yelling mum also comes out at rugby. This is a loud supporting cheering yell, not a grumpy “go and put some pants on I have asked you 5 times already” kinda yell. The guilt creeps in as I love cheering on Kylan when he plays (whether or not he can actually hear me or not) but Arden HATES me yelling! And if by chance I happen to be holding him I almost deafen the poor child with my cheering. Today he put his fingers on my lips and said “no no no mummy”

10. Asking for help
My OCDness requires that there needed to be 10 points. I got to 9 and couldn’t think of anymore but I couldn’t just stop at 9 so I had to have a think about one more! 

This is one I feel a fair bit. I always feel terribly guilty asking someone else to look after my kids. I feel that I am their mum and I am responsible for them. Even if it’s family it still leaves me with a level of guilt and I always find myself rushing back to pick them up and to make sure I am not inconveniencing anyone (even when I know I am not really) but they are my kids and my responsibility and I feel like I SHOULD be able to manage them along with everything else…But I know thats not possible in reality…we all need help! Sometimes when there are a million errands to run it is just easier to do it without dragging the kids along and they never enjoy these outings anyway, I am sure hanging out with grandma is way more fun!


Wow, so now that thats all down on paper makes me look like a pretty shit person…but in fact it just makes me human! It just makes me a mum who has feelings, gets tired, has a million things to juggle and who has a lot of love to give. 

So give yourself a break! Let’s get rid of this mum guilt that seems to haunt our every move and instead focus on everything else that we are doing for our kids and their futures. This mum gig is a 24/7 job, there are no long lunch breaks and sick days so we need to stop feeling guilty for doing what we need to do!! Let’s know that we aren’t alone (well I really hope its not just me) and that when we need to whip out some screen time for our sanity it is not going to impact their wellbeing. Instead cuddle up with them and enjoy 5 minutes of peaceful cuddles in front of bubble guppies or whatever other weird shit the child insists on watching and know that YOU ARE A SUPERWOMAN!!